Let’s be honest with each other and especially be honest with ourselves. Have you ever noticed that it is so much easier to share honesty with others when it doesn’t involve you? And how dang hard it is, to be honest with yourself? On top of that, being honest with others about yourself is a whole other level. Well, if you are anything like me; being the perfectionist that I am, sharing details of my life in times when I don’t live up to the standards that someone else or I have placed on myself, is the end of the world. Like let’s call it, I’ve flatlined and there is no chance of reviving me. In the last few years, I have learned just how important it is to share your life experiences with others no matter how messy it is.
The last couple of weeks have really been a nightmare. Not in the sense that my whole world has fallen apart, but in the sense that I have been having the high and lows of anxiety flooding through all my emotions. The nightmare is that I know I have been struggling with this anxiety but I wasn’t feeling depressed. I didn’t struggle to get out of bed or the usual feelings that go along with depression, this was something different. It was that feeling of being in a funk and not sure how to get out. Feeling mentally exhausted and being drained quicker than normal in social situations. For those of you who don’t know, social situations drain me on a daily basis and I need my alone time to fully recover. If you haven’t felt in a funk like this before the best way to describe it is, imagine you are inside a snowglobe. Fake snowflakes and glitter float all around you, but they never land. Just like Peter Pan, haha. Just kidding, did anyone call for some comic relief? No, ok let’s move on…. Because of this swirling of snow-like particles and glitter, you can’t see outside of the glass and your feet are glued to the base. In a fog, in a haze, going through the motions of everyday life, while still being present.
During these past couple of weeks, I have had some really hard conversations with multiple people, I’ve dealt with kids being quarantined due to contact tracing at school, struggling with some physical back issues, having eye surgery (which is a great thing, but recovering and things like that can cause stress), an online conference breakout session not going as expected, and not to mention my part-time job taking up a majority of my time and still feeling like I am behind on everything. Just to name a few things that happened. Needless to say, I have been on an emotional roller coaster and I really wanted to get off. That was until I sat down with my husband and explained to him how I had been feeling. What a huge relief that was to share with someone I trust what I had been feeling. Even just the step of sharing and by sharing it with someone I trust I was able to admit to myself that I had been struggling. It did not just magically go away, but I felt like I was able to take one step forward. So the past few days I have been putting one foot in front of the other and stepping forward out of this funk. Yes, circumstances are going to happen that may bring you to a place like I was in. But don’t let it keep you there. It’s ok to not be ok, but don’t stay that way. Reach out to those around you that you trust. Don’t hide behind this perfect image of what you think your life is supposed to be. Let’s be honest.
I pray that this blog today was an encouragement to you and can help in your daily life. Always know I am available to pray with you or just be someone to talk to when life gets hard. E-mail me at megan@churchanywhere.us if you need prayer!
Talk to you next Monday!