Stay at home mom’s (SAHM) y’all don’t get enough credit sometimes. I don’t care what anyone says, I believe with everything inside of me that being a mom is one of the hardest jobs there is. You never get a break, you put everyone else before yourself, and do you ever get to finish a full cup of coffee while it is still warm? If you have young kids the answer is no, it might as well be iced coffee before you can finish it. I’ve been in your shoes two kids under the age of 3, one of which was a newborn, those days where you just try to make sure your children are happy and fed and it’s cleaning day, but let’s face it the house probably won’t get cleaned as you want it to be. Every time I thought “today is the day I’m going to get all the things done.” was usually the day my youngest had a blowout (multiple times) and the oldest wanted the orange cup, not the blue cup but when I gave her the orange cup she no longer could drink out of anything that was orange. And that was all before 8 am. Guess what is not going to happen on a day like this?? Cleaning is not going to happen… Before you know it, it’s 5 pm and your husband comes home to a mess of a house. And the fact of the matter is you actually did pick up the toys in the living room during nap time, but thirty minutes before your husband walks through the door your 2 ½-year-old decided she needed to be Taz from Looney Toons and proceeded to throw every toy she owns in the middle of the floor. You gave everything you had to make it through the day, at this point you had no energy left to give. This was my life.
I was a SAHM for about 5 years. I did have a few part-time/volunteer jobs but it only took a very small amount of time out of my week. After my oldest was born I went back to work when my maternity leave was over, only to quit to stay at home when she was about 6 months old due to daycare. It was expensive and basically my whole paycheck was being devoted to the cost of daycare. So that started my stay at home journey. Not long after quitting my job, we moved from our first apartment to our first house about 3 hours away. My husband had a new job in a new city and we were excited about the possibilities. Then 1 ½ years later we had our second child. Did anyone tell you that your second child is double the work? I get it one plus one is two, but at least for me having our second child felt like triple the work. I now know why it felt that way. After having our second kid I had postpartum depression, but didn’t know it. I always felt exhausted and had a really short temper. But I acted like everything was a-ok. {If you didn’t read my post on anxiety you should! In short, I didn’t realize I had anxiety up until 5 years ago. At this time in my life I still didn’t know so part of my postpartum depression was based out of anxiety.} I hid how I was really feeling from everyone, but on the inside, it was eating at me every moment of every day. I can look back now and see that I should have reached out and talked to someone, first to my husband, and second I should have talked to a counselor or therapist. It would have made life easier or at least manageable. Instead, I fought through it by myself and I felt alone. When I did start to open up to my husband he was so supportive. I told him I wanted to go back to work when I was able to. At this point, we had a 4 year old & 1 ½-year-old, so it was going to be once they go into school I would be able to go back to work. I started some side “hobby” businesses to help out with my sanity and our finances. I started baking and taking photos. Both of which I loved to do and made me feel like was actually doing work. Finally, I started to feel like my self again.
A lot of thoughts that were going through my mind during this time were thoughts that I wasn’t a good mom because I just wanted to get away from my kids at times. I kept seeing all these other moms who made it look like they had all together and loved every moment of being with their kids. I was comparing myself to their best moments against my worst moments. I want to let you in on a little secret, comparing yourself to others doesn’t do you any good. It only makes you feel worse. But I was completely guilty of doing it time and time again. Until I took ownership of who I was. I was a mom who loved my kids but I also kinda liked to work outside the home. Going into an office was a dream of mine, when my kids were little I found ways to work from home so we didn’t have to worry about extra expenses like daycare. When my oldest was old enough to start kindergarten, I was probably the happiest mom in the school drop off. Some moms were crying because they couldn’t believe their little baby was starting school. I, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier, she loved school and I was excited to hear all about it when she got home, I was also just as excited to have one child in school during the day. That meant I only had one kid at home. It’s just a fact that sometimes it’s easier with only one kid. After my oldest started kindergarten, I started to go to our local gym more regularly. This was nice because they had a kids zone where I could go workout (for up to 2 hours) and pick my child back up after I was done working out. Guy’s I got time to myself!! And the best part I didn’t feel like I was inconveniencing someone.
If you are a SAHM and feel stuck, I want to encourage you to take time for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a long time but find something that is just for you; because you can’t fill someone else’s glass if yours is empty. My cup was empty a lot until I was able to take steps to fill it. How you fill your cup is going to look different for everyone. For some, you may need to get a good workout in, for others, you may need to take time for a bubble bath and to read a book. Figure out what you need to do to fill your cup and talk to the people around you so you can make it happen. Don’t just talk about it, do it!
As always if you need someone to talk to or pray with you email me at megan@churchanywhere.us
Talk to you next Monday!
